Never stop seeking beauty…
I’ve had a hard time finding words these days. Mostly because I have not made time or space for the words to come. Partly because the troubles of the world weigh heavy on my mind. And also because I have decisions I don’t want to make, open wounds, parenting teenager struggles, and overwhelming work. Not really the seeds for great writing when you’re in the middle of the mess.
It’s easier to avoid what needs to be done, to stay in the hard and uncomfortable because it is KNOWN. But sometimes you need to step forward in faith, to walk into the unknown, to know and remember that Jesus always goes before you. You will finally move forward when the pain of staying in the mess is greater than the pain of moving forward. I write those words, but I’m still not sure I’m there yet.
“Change happens when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.”Tony Robbins
So I sit in Psalms and Proverbs. I lament with David, but remember that God is always good, always just, always faithful.
“My spirit is weak within me, my heart is overcome with dismay. I remember the days of old. I meditate on all you have done. I reflect on the work of your hands.”
“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me on level ground.”
I read the wisdom of Solomon and pray for integrity, a teachable heart, a righteous mind, a soft answer, and wise words. Some days I feel so far from who I want to be as a wife, a parent, a friend, a part of the family of God. I have a hard time finding the level ground. I have a hard time finding the beauty. I have a hard time seeing the change and growth in my life. But I also know that God goes with me on the journey. He goes before me. He surrounds me. He walks beside me. I know that I am a work in progress. I know that I have not arrived. I know that I make mistakes. But that does not stop me from celebrating the right choices, the small victories. I come to Jesus with a broken and contrite heart.
And I keep looking for the beauty.