Chasing out the Gray

The sky has been very gray lately. And I started to feel the gray settle into my heart and soul. But I also reminded myself of truth. Beauty is everywhere, you just have to look for it. You have to try a new perspective, see things in a different light. Find beauty in all things.

I’ve been feeling discouraged with my lack of writing, my overwhelmed schedule, my parenting mishaps, my time management, etc. And even as I type that I realize the focus is all wrong, it was all about me. In my search for beauty, for light, for goodness, I realized that it is all around me. God’s gifts are always there.

He showers us with good things, with abundant life. He gives the gifts of cloudy skies with shades of blue and purple. He gives a dusting of snow on all the trees and pretty scenes in grocery store parking lots. He gives wide open roads and bright blue skies on a Friday afternoon. He gives bright sunshine when waiting for your kids in the high school parking lot after a long day of work. He gives Saturday morning sunbaths to my plant corner. He gives stoplight sunshine breaking through city buildings and dirty car windows.

He gives encouraging Psalms in the morning. Phone calls with friends. Encouraging prayer time with church family. Good conversations with my kids. Family traditions. Brisk long walks. Warm hats and mittens. Good food. Laughter.

It’s so easy for me to get discouraged in the long winter months. It’s seems easier to focus on the negative, the early dark hours, the hard and challenging moments, the mistakes of myself and others. It’s easy to be critical and complain. But it’s also surprisingly easy to take five minutes and count your blessings. To ask God to open your eyes to His good, good gifts. To stop and reflect on God’s love and faithfulness. To remember that His grace is greater than all I am struggling with.

“I will sing about the Lord’s faithful love forever. I will proclaim your faithfulness to all generations with my mouth” (or with my pen). “Happy are the people who know the joyful shout; Lord, they walk in the light from your face” Psalm 89:1,15.

“Give thanks to the Lord, call on his name; proclaim his deeds among the peoples. …tell about all his wondrous works! Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his face always” Psalm 105:1-2,4.

Share His Love.
Proclaim His Faithfulness.
Give Thanks.
Lean on His Strength.
Walk in His Light.
Seek His Face.
Rejoice in the Lord.

#Psalms #ChasingOutTheDark #1000gifts #ChooseJoy #JesusOnlyJesus #theStoriesBetweenUs #HopeWriterLife

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Thanksgiving Challenge

It’s been over 10 years since I started counting the gifts with @AnnVoskamp. There have been times when it was a consistent 3 gifts a day, or the one time we did #1000gifts in 30 days. There have also been seasons, months even when I was not counting the gifts. But always the gifts are there and always the gifts are good.

I’m starting to count again… this time 1,000 gifts in just 3 weeks, which means approximately 50 gifts a day. It’s not always easy, and there will be repeats.

It’s amazing what catches your eye when you are looking for gifts. Like the beauty I found in the city skyline on the way to work this morning. Or that actually view of the mountainside from work.

At work, it seems harder to find the gifts, but they are still there. The warmth of the sun filling the office, Dropbox, when your co-worker buys you lunch.

Then there is the delightful surprise of a little dump truck strapped to the end of a long flatbed truck in the lane next to me on the way home. The text from my son informing me of the candy bar he bought me waiting for me at home.

And even though I know it means more yard work this weekend, I even found gratitude in the carpet of leaves on the patio. And the wind chimes, and sitting outside in short sleeves on this November afternoon.

The time change happens yet again this weekend, and I feel the same struggle settling in—where can I find the light when it’s dark at 5pm? I counted lots of gifts today, but I also snapped at my kids more than once, I am going to bed with a headache, and I’m letting worry distract me from some of the good I see in the world.

So I write, because in addition to a #1000gifts challenge, I am working to WRITE every day in November. And I remember that God gives good gifts and God deserves our praise. And we hold pain and joy together. And I’m not perfect and life isn’t perfect, but it’s pretty darn great when you pay attention to the little things and give thanks, and when you keep perspective on God’s plan for your life. He came so that we could have abundant life. It’s already here, we just have to notice it.

#LiturgyoftheLittleThings #ChasingOutTheDark #minisitryofpayingattention #HopeWriterLife #writeyourheartout #writeitgirl

Gray Day November

The calendar turned from October to November and overnight it seemed, the sky turned gray and dreary. I could barely keep my eyes open at work and I was in a slump. The trees still have some color hanging on, but for some reason it just didn’t look as stunning today. It rained, and rained some more. My heart and soul followed suit and it felt like depression was settling in.

It’s still autumn, it’s still pretty out, the sun even peeked through the clouds briefly, but my focus was/is off. I was tired… but I was also grumpy. And it really does have an effect on your day. Complaining breeds complaining.

And gratitude breeds gratitude. I could barely keep my eyes open because late nights and junk food and rainy skies, so I came home and took a nap… a 22 minute power nap. And then I got up and had a snack. (Thank you, Prophet Elijah for your example in 1 Kings 19). And, then I accomplished a few things and felt better.

Does my heart still feel a little off? Am I still tired? Do I want to hibernate at home instead of going to church small group? Yes, Yes, and Yes. Am I dreading the time change and more dark nights? Also, yes. But I listen to my body, I listen to my heart, and then I go to the Word of God for truth.

“Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him For the help of His countenance.” Psalms‬ ‭42‬:‭5‬ ‭

And I remind myself, as David did. I also can put my HOPE in God. I can trust my Creator. He is faithful. He is true. His lovingkindness is always present in my life. So I look up at the gloomy skies and I pay attention to the world around me. And I know that Jesus is here in the every day ordinary, in the sunshine and the rain, in the good and the hard, in the joy and the sorrow.

And I go to small group and eat too many carbs, and give thanks for fellowship, friendship, and prayer. And as we leave, I look up and see the beautiful cloudy sky with the light shining through. Always the LIGHT shines, we just have to notice it.

Where is the light shining in your darkness today? Where can you see Jesus in the every day ordinary? Can I just encourage you to keep looking up?

#HopeWriterLife #HopeinGod #JesusOnlyJesus #November #givethanks #theministryofpayingattention #skypeople #chasingoutthedark #writeyourheartout

Saving My Life: Autumn Edition

What is saving my life right now? It can really be wrapped up in a single answer:

Looking for Jesus in everyday moments

The grass you water flourishes. The books you read, the focus of your studies determines what you learn. How you spend your time shows your priorities. What you focus on becomes clearer. And when I look for Jesus in everyday moments, I realize He is always right here with me, even when I am not paying attention. When I am looking, I see Him in every moment—good, hard, everyday, supernatural.

Writing is saving my life. As always, I do not spend enough time writing either, but when I sit down, God gives me words. And when ideas come to mind, I am trying to write them down in the moment so I can go back later. I see Jesus in the gift of writing and in the words He gives me and how those stories can encourage others.

Chocolate is saving my life—Dark chocolate of course, chocolate mint s’mores, chocolate peanut butter candy bars, hot chocolate. Just a little treat and always in moderation. God created cacao beans, God created the people who mixed the right amount of sugar with the right amount of cocoa. So yes, I can look for Jesus even in my chocolate treats.

The sky is saving my life. Once again, the ministry of paying attention to the world around you, paying attention to God’s creation, to seeing the sky and how it’s always changing, and to think on the millions of people that are sharing this same big sky. A gift from our creator, a reminder that He is intimately involved in our lives, that He cares about little old me spinning on this tiny circle He created in the whole wide universe.

And I see the sky best when I’m walking. So walking is saving my life. I wish I was walking more. Walking at least once a week is not much but it is always helpful for a fresh perspective, a little exercise, and shaking up my routine. Walking helps me see Jesus in my neighborhood, in my friendships, in the changing colors of autumn leaves.

Deep breaths are saving my life. Taking a deep breath slows me down, it stretches my neck and back muscles, it fills my lungs with oxygen. Deep breaths when life is going great helps me to stay present in the moment, to appreciate the gifts, and to give thanks to God who gives good gifts. Deep breaths when life is overwhelming and hectic helps me to pause and remember what is important in the grand scheme of things. To remember that God is present and carries us through that hard stuff.

Good food is saving my life, because good food is often accompanied by good friends and that is a lifesaver, too. Church small group, Sunday afternoon pizza, a random weeknight soup. All feed my soul and my body. Jesus is present in community and in sharing the table with others. God created us to need nourishment both with food and with friends and I’m thankful for how those things are saving my life right now.

What is saving YOUR life right now? Where do you see Jesus in the good and in the hard?

#savingmylife #autumnedition #HopeWriterLife #1000gifts #skypeople #theministryofpayingattention #writeyourheartout #amwriting #JesusOnlyJesus

Friendship, Community, Being Human

Sometimes, being human can be hard. I think that’s one of the evidences that God created us for community. We rely on each other, we feed each other, we encourage one another. We hold space, we bear burdens, we stand up for one another. We exhort, we hold each other accountable. Something beautiful happens as we share the burden of being human together (as says, @ShannanWrites)

Shannan Martin is my community/neighborhood guru… she’s written a few books on the subject and has another one coming out next week (preorder Start With Hello now for goodies). It was her book #theministryofordinaryplaces that gave me the encouragement to open my home (almost) every Sunday afternoon to mostly church friends, but sometimes strangers. She taught me the importance of finding beauty in the sky and also unexpected places (city streets, alleyways, power lines, etc). And how community and friendship and neighbors can be so many different and amazing things.

And this week, community looked like going to my friends’ house and trying something new, something “trending” — a #butterboard and Walmart’s everything bread. It looked like a $3 sweet potato pie from the discount rack and fingers crossed that it would actually taste good. It was playing a card game and lots of laughter, and taking a walk in her neighborhood. It was staying late and being rewarded with the delightful sunset.

It’s the gift of sharing 15 years of friendship and making new memories, of grieving the losses and struggles over the years, celebrating the successes, and listening to the dreams and planning for the future. It’s talking faith and beliefs, and where we’ve come from. It’s holding space for our imperfections and giving thanks for sharing life. And for remembering that friendships ebb and flow. The magic is that we are still friends!

#friendship #hopewriterlife #JesusOnlyJesus #chasingoutthedark #1000gifts #writeyourheartout

Settling in, Paying attention, Giving thanks

It’s 8pm on move-in day and I am exhausted. There are boxes everywhere, and I am overwhelmed with gratitude toward all the wonderful people that helped us throughout the day… We own a lot of stuff. So I take a moment and step outside. I look around at these new surroundings and everywhere I turn I see houses. A far cry from the wide open spaces we just left behind. And then I look up and thank God for the little love note He sends me in a window of blue sky peeking through the forest of trees. Wide open spaces of a different kind.

It’s 7:15am and I am late for work. I may live 5 minutes closer, but it’s only day 2 and I still can’t find the right shoes, or the snacks to pack in my lunch, or which drawer we put the silverware in. I rinse my coffee cup (I can always find one of those) and look out my kitchen window, and there is my first wildlife sighting in the new home. And I stop and just grin big at the deer. I will never get tired of the deer. “Won’t HE do it!”

It’s 4pm on a Sunday afternoon, and we are just returning from a long walk around the neighborhood, getting to know the area. As we come around our front/side yard (we live on a corner and I can’t figure out what’s front, side, or back), I notice ivy everywhere, and a splash of Queen Anne’s lace. And once again I am in awe of God’s creation, the way He meets me where I’m at, and how He connects my growing up memories of flowers and my love of ivy (first married kitchen theme) with present day.

It’s 5pm and in between the sounds of the evening traffic, I suddenly hear church bells ringing. And I smile. Year two of marriage found us living practically in the backyard of an Orthodox Church. I remember those bells. And once again, I am almost in the backyard of a local church, and the 5 o’clock bells are just one of the many blessings I’m counting in this new, unfamiliar place. And as these bells play familiar hymns, I thank Jesus for the gift of music.

It’s 6:30am, I am settling into routines. I take my coffee to the front room to enjoy with some morning Psalms, and the window view shows a soft misty fog and another deer sighting…. This time a doe and her fawn.

It’s 1pm and as I’m gathering pizza ingredients and prepping for Sunday lunch with friends, I look out the window again (I love the windows) and spot a chipmunk finishing his Sunday brunch. Various shells, seeds, and nuts scattered all over the stone steps, remnants of the way my God cares for the little creatures, too.

It’s 8:30pm Labor Day weekend and we settle around the Solo Stove on our new patio and light the fire, enjoy the view, and of course, roast marshmallows, and I smile and give thanks for the little things. The things that are different and the things that stay the same. The way that life is what we make of it and we can choose to focus on the blessings because they are abundant and overflowing and when I focus on the good stuff, when I shout His praises, when I pay attention to the ways He is present in every moment and area of my life, I just can’t believe how much my God loves me.

And how personal He is. Trains rumbling by in the background, sunrises and moonrises through the trees instead of over the mountain, wind chimes, shops in walking distance, the ever present squirrels and chipmunks, the list goes on and on and I give thanks.

#hopewriterlife #Hope #JesusOnlyJesus #justwrite #amwriting #chasingoutthedark #1000gifts #theministryofpayingattention #theministryofordinaryplaces #writeyourheartout #change #skyappreciationpost #startwithhello

Change and Gratitude

It’s been over four years since I chose my #onceamonthspot as an act of faith because the property we live on went up for sale. Four and a half years later and it still hasn’t sold, but other things have changed and God opened doors and we are moving. So this right here is the last photo of this #frontdoorview

I have never taken this gift for granted. 12 years of wide open spaces, country living, beautiful sunrises and sunsets. 12 years of youth events, small group parties, winter sledding out my front door. Walks to the bus stop and mailbox. Sunday afternoon pizza parties, long hikes, and always changing scenery. Deer, bear, turkey, eagle, coyote, porcupine, the persistent possum, bluebirds, yellow finches, robins.

Sometimes we can’t see the light through the heavy dark clouds, and sometimes God parts them and you see glimpses of the truth that He is always working. The contrast of light and dark, of green trees and dead tree trunks, even the grass takes its turn being brown and green. When I look back through my #juliesmonthlyspot photos, I am reminded again of God’s goodness, God’s gifts, abundant life and continuous provision.

And I treasure our last family bonfire—a needed gift after a rough week of packing, and fighting over future bedrooms, of struggling with the coming changes. We enjoyed a long evening outside, keeping the large fire from spreading to the dry grass, watching the stars come out one by one, enjoying the moonrise… and eating hot dogs and s’mores prepared over the fire. And having my daughter capture us all in the glow of the flames.

And I give thanks for “the last Sunday supper” at this place with good friends that are family, of laughter, jokes, and the weekly walk to the reservoir. And long talks and photos of my favorite scenery.

We will make new memories and find new treasures from God, because life will still be abundant even when it looks different. His promises are ever-faithful, His love is never-ending, and He gives joy unspeakable as we wait with Hope.

So here’s to continuing #theministryofordinaryplaces in a new place, of #trustinggodsplan #ministryofpayingattention with @shannanwrites and remembering #itssimplytuesday with @emilypfreeman

#hopewriterlife #Hope #JesusOnlyJesus #justwrite #amwriting #chasingoutthedark #writeyourheartout #change

10 Things that are saving my life

In no particular order, here are 10 things that are saving my life right now.

1. apple slices and peanut butter. This needs no explanation. It’s the perfect snack and it’s healthier than Reese’s peanut butter cups. And it’s easy to eat at my desk at work.

2. afternoon or evening walks: I live for warmth and sun (I hear Florida calling me). I know fresh air and exercise is good for my physical and mental health. Some weeks I get 5 walks in and other weeks I have to fight to make myself take just one.

3. counseling, therapy, whatever you want to call it. Talking through situations with someone who knows how to ask the right questions, gives good advice, pushes me out of my comfort zone with suggestions, and encourages me when I think I’m losing my mind has been so helpful.

4. Psalms. It is always my go-to when I open my Bible. David’s example of prayer and processing through his struggles has been life giving to me. And no matter how bad it gets, he always circles around until he comes back to proclaiming the goodness of God. I pray I can always do the same.

5. Nature: flowers, trees, skies, and clouds. Sunsets, birds, rivers, and all of God’s creation is so full of beauty, so full of color and variety. Our Creator created us to enjoy all that He has given us, to live life abundantly, and that includes green grass, yellow daffodils, bluebirds, rainbow tulips, white clouds, etc.

6. Hope: Hope that this is not the end of the story. Hope that hurt I have experienced can be redeemed, hope that God is working all things for His glory and for my good. Hope for deeper relationships, better community, iron sharpening iron friendships. Hope that I can be a better human, be more like Christ, full of compassion, courage. Hope that some day I’ll make time to write consistently, to live out the gifts God has given me.

7. My kids. Yes, my kids are saving my life right now. They make me laugh, they make me cry, they make me think, and they make me so proud. Each one of them is amazing in their own way. They can be so sweet and so annoying. I think as they get older and I realize my time with them is so short, I panic that I haven’t done enough, I’ve made too many parenting mistakes, I’ve pushed too hard and not hard enough. but I do know that I am doing my best and I love them so much it hurts, but also I can’t wait to see what they will do as they grow up and move out and begin the next phases of their lives. I’m so thankful for my kids!

8. my morning cup of coffee, almost always made by the best husband. Some may call it an addiction, I prefer a ritual, tradition, a morning liturgy.

9. Writing in my local coffee shop. I don’t get to do it often enough. My schedule and budget do not permit, but when I do get the opportunity, it rejuvenates me. It gets me away from the to-do lists and undone, and gives me a new perspective. It reminds me how much I love writing, how much I need writing, how beneficial writing is for my soul and my mind. The coffee is great too!

10. anticipation… looking forward to upcoming activities gives me joy, helps me to survive the daily crazy of life right now. We are just over one month from the end of middle school forever, so I’m looking forward to 8th grade celebration day. I’ve also already preordered my fresh Georgia peaches from @thepeachtruck and I can’t wait to enjoy those in addition to my local fresh fruits and veggies from farmer’s market. Summer trips planned to visit our families are also on the anticipation list. Travel stresses me out and sometimes relationships (even those that share our genes) can be challenging, but they are still important. And making memories is worth the effort.

I’m a slow processor and life is extremely busy. @emilypfreeman shared what’s saving her life right now on her podcast over two weeks ago and I’ve finally gotten mine down on paper.

What is saving YOUR life right now?

#HopeWriterLife #1000gifts #bestkidsever #myhusbandrocks #writeyourheartout #amwriting #JesusOnlyJesus #Hope #writeitgirl #mynextrightthing

Parenting & Cheering my Teenagers

Once upon a time, I was a mom of 4 children under 5… and I never thought I was going to survive. I was mad at God, irritated with my husband, discontent in my two-bedroom trailer. I was a stay-at-home mom, but I was not present. I had a gracious friend that said, “Julie, you need help. You need to talk to someone.” And eventually I listened. I sought counseling, a sounding board, wisdom from someone who knew how to ask the right questions and point me to the truths of God’s Word and how it applied to my life.

And I survived parenting babies, toddlers, and pre-schoolers. And then came primary age and they could do things for themselves and God provided a larger home and we started coasting through life again. Middle school showed up and that was a whole new challenge because the funny, crazy, ridiculous stories you shared when they were babies couldn’t be shared as they transitioned through middle school and into high school. The decisions they start to make hit differently and you can’t share their stories in the same way. Parenting pre-teens and teenagers can be lonely. So when I share the successes, the accomplishments, the highlights (only with permission of course), we can all know that there are a host of good days and bad days that don’t ever get shared.

I am currently parenting 4 teenagers (with the help of their awesome dad, of course). And I have said to multiple people over the last few weeks, “Once again, I am not sure I am going to survive this stage of life.” It may seem overly dramatic, but I’m not young anymore and the schedule of a teenager is very full, and a lot of those activities happen at night and my eyes don’t like driving at night or in the rain… and especially not both. I’m tired. I slept through my alarm this morning. And I still need energy for the hard conversations when the opportunities present themselves. I still need to remember to make the phone calls for the doctor’s appointments and complete the paperwork for the school sports and pay the bills for the church retreats. And sometimes I get selfish and I get tired of sitting around waiting for their activities to be over.

(Lord, I’d love a really affordable housing option, right in town, please???). Just praying for miracles in today’s housing market…

But I would not change it for the world. These kids are awesome and they are smart and talented and work hard and are amazing. So here are some highlights from last weekend.

Indoor Track Meets: have you ever been to a track meet? Event after event after event and your kid runs two… You show up on time just in case things are moving smoothly. You wait an hour for her event and you watch her run, for 8.82 seconds. And you cheer because she took first place in the middle school 55m dash!!! And then you sit around (or stand around as the case may be) for another 3 hours until finally it’s time for the 200m. And you watch her run for approx 30 seconds, which is awesome! And you’re so proud of her and so tired. So I’m bragging on my baby girl for how she’s tackled running and I’m praying now for a mild spring because outdoor track meets aren’t as warm as indoor while you’re waiting.

High School Town Art Shows: I am so proud of my artist. She has submitted work in two local art competitions. That takes bravery. In the first show she won a “silver key” award for a mixed media portrait. Because of current life, there was no award ceremony. The second show was “Our Town” and had a showing with the award ceremony. It was thrilling to see her art professionally framed and hanging on the wall of our local community center.

I absolutely love supporting my kids in the arts, sports, and skills they excel at. I love cheering them on and seeing them live fully into who God created them to be. I am thankful for the opportunities they have. I am thankful for the challenges and the tears and the “growth opportunities.” I am thankful for the lessons God teaches me through parenting. I am thankful for my kids, not perfect, but awesome just the same.

#BestKidsEver #1000gifts #gratitude #running #track #artshows #parentingteenagers

Renew Gratitude

His mercies are new every morning.

And His gifts are abundant with every sunset.

I used to hate autumn because I was so busy dreading that coming winter. But I have discovered that autumn is actually my favorite when I take the time to enjoy it, when I live in the present instead of worrying about the coming dark, cold, dreary winter. And lately I’ve noticed how much I enjoy the glorious beauty of a winter sunset, even though I long for more daylight. When I focus on the moment and just enjoy the glorious sky as it changes minute by minute, often glowing more radiant just before the sun sets, my heart and soul is renewed.

Paying attention is renewing. When I pay attention, it renews gratitude in my heart. My perspective shifts and I focus on what has me grounded right here, right now. I see what God is gifting me in the little things and the big things.

I am thankful for…
the morning cup of coffee and the man who makes it for me.
My girls who keep me up past my bedtime.
the beauty of the sky and the Creator who paints it different each night.
chocolate.
the Psalms.
My dishwasher.
Pay raises
Pillows and blankets
Tea
Sisters
Counseling
Writing

What are you paying attention to today? What renews you? What are you thankful for?

#hopewriterlife #bestill #renew #chasingoutthedark #Psalms #theministryofpayingattention #gratitude #1000gifts